Traumatic experiences are definitely not something everyone goes through. I think a lot of people struggle with how they should act around people like me, who went through something that most people have not and hopefully will not experience.
I am here to help others understand how they should treat people who have gone through "hard-to-understand" experiences and to also give a critical review of how people have made me feel post-op.
WARNING : THIS GETS A LITTLE INTENSE.
For one, don't treat us like we are fragile things that might fall apart at any moment. This one especially is important to me, because I really am okay. I haven't had a single issue since surgery and I am medically cleared. Therefore, just because you know I had brain surgery nine months ago does NOT mean I am inept in any way - if I were you'd know. This also means that I do not want anyone to try telling me what I should or should be doing in regards to my health. I have been learning on my own what my brain can handle post-op and I do not need anyone else to try to decide that for me, nor do they have anyway of knowing, because they are not me!!!!!!!!
Secondly, do not continue to drudge up the past. Yes, I had brain surgery, but it does not need to be the first thing we talk about, I have so much more to offer. There is a statute of limitations when it comes to asking people if they are okay and for me, it is long over. I AM FINE. You can acknowledge that I am all good, but that is really all I need. If you have not seen me in a while and really do not know, that is okay, I get you care.
Thirdly, let the person who had the experience share at their own pace. When I want to talk about it, I do. Feel free to ask questions, but only when appropriate. I am extremely open about it all and will tell you if I do or do not want to share.
Fourthly, stop acting like you can "understand" what it was like. YOU CANNOT AND I DO NOT WANT ANYONE TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE IT SUCKED. I have had people make comments like "yeah I have had my share of hospital experiences, so I understand what you went through". UM NO. Unless you also have had two days of procedures and 30+ stitches in your head and in other places, then you definitely do not understand. On top of that, people do not realize that even though I am okay, I still have to be aware of myself. For example, if I faint, I absolutely have to go to the doctor for CT scans, because I am at a high risk of blood clots and bleeding. Therefore, even if you have had to go to the ER a lot, you still do not know what it is like for me.
I have met and also know some people who have had similar experiences, but we still all acknowledge that we can never fully understand what we each went through, because all of these experiences are our own.
Lastly, stop telling me how positive my attitude was and how strong I am. I know this. All this does is make me uncomfortable. Thank you for acknowledging it, but I do not need to keep hearing about how happy you are that I am alive; think about how happy I am! This definitely applies to people who I refer to as "bandwagon carers". These are the people who never actually did a single thing to support me while going through it, but then act like they care now that I am okay. To those who actually were there for me every step of the way - NO YOU WERE STRONG.
I truly believe that my embolization and craniotomy were harder on my family and friends than me. As soon as I found out it was happening, I was like "okay, let's get this over with, I will be fine". I could not convince others to have the same attitude as me, or control their stress, anxiety, and other feelings about it. Also, they were the ones who had to wait and see me and care for me, they were the ones who put in the most work. I just had to handle the anesthetics and have faith that my body wouldn't fail. I had faith in myself and my medical team, and that is why I am okay.
Now that it is all over, I just wanted to be treated like everyone else.
Lizzo said it all: I'm feeling good as hell ;)
